Stop Fixing Yourself: Why Growth From Love Changes Everything

Can you just stop fixing yourself for a moment and realise that it’s only reinforcing the belief that you’re never enough?

Because as long as you’re trying to “fix” yourself, you’re telling your nervous system and your identity that who you are right now isn’t good enough…and that is the very thing blocking everything you are wanting.

The Problem Isn’t Growth — It’s the Energy Behind It

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with self-improvement or wanting to grow.

That’s literally why we’re here — to learn, to expand, to explore, and to have fun.

The problem starts when growth comes from the belief that you need fixing.

That who you are now is somehow wrong, broken, or unworthy. That only after you completely change everything about yourself are you worthy of love, acceptance, success, and on and on — all coming down to the root of feeling unworthy.

Growth is a beautiful part of why we are on this earth. What we want though, is growth that comes from a place of curiosity. From play. From freedom and love. From wanting to explore and try new things — not from self-hatred or punishment or shame.

Why “Fixing Yourself” Keeps You Stuck

Fixing yourself keeps you in the energetic state of trying.

And as long as you’re trying to get somewhere, you never feel like you already have it.

Which means — subconsciously — you’ll sabotage yourself so you can stay aligned with the identity of trying.

If you’re trying to lose weight, you have to stay overweight to maintain the identity of someone who needs to lose weight. Maybe you start to see some progress and get excited…but then something happens (you get fired, go through a heartbreak, you break your diet and spiral from fear you’ll gain the weight back only for that exact situation to happen…)

Trying becomes who you are.

And as long as you’re trying, you never arrive. Because if you did arrive…well then you wouldn’t know what to do…so subconsciously your nervous system feels safer staying in familiarity.

The Never-Enough Loop

I used to approach self-improvement from this place of never being good enough.

And when you’re in that energy, it doesn’t matter how many things you do to “improve” yourself —it will never be enough. In fact the goal post just keeps moving.

Because the belief underneath is still: I’m not enough as I am.

So you’re constantly chasing a future version of yourself that you think will finally be worthy of love. So you berate yourself, you shame and judge and criticise everything you do, you try to control everything so no surprises derail your success…because you don’t trust yourself. You live from shame and fear trying to force a future that you crave but secretly don’t feel worthy of. And as a result…that future never arrives, or if it does…you sabotage because you don’t feel like you deserve it.

Why Self-Sabotage Makes Sense

When I was stuck in that never-enough state, I would often self-sabotage or give up completely.

Not because I was lazy. Not because I didn’t want growth.

But because it felt hopeless.

I was stuck in a cycle of trying, falling apart, backsliding, and then trying again (but this time with stricter rules, more control, and an assumption that I will be motivated 24/7 and have infinite willpower…???)

I wasn’t treating myself with love, respect, or devotion. I was trying to beat myself into submission.

Trying to force myself into a mold that I thought would finally be worthy.

It. Was. Exhausting.

What Actually Changed Everything

Everything shifted when I came back into my body and learned how to love myself — unconditionally love myself.

That’s when real growth started.

Because when you love yourself — imperfections and all —you naturally want to keep exploring. You stop trying to prove you’re good enough and can actually relax into the process and have room for play and fun through it.

Learning becomes fun. Growth becomes energising. Curiosity lights you up. Problems become opportunities. And failures don’t feel like threats or evidence of your inadequacy…they feel like feedback that actually help you grow even more.

It stops feeling like proof that you’re not enough and starts feeling like play. 

When you can dance with life and laugh at a fall…my God do things turn around quickly!!

The Truth No One Says Out Loud

When growth comes from fixing yourself, every new course, routine, or practice just reinforces the idea that:

You’re not enough as you are.

That you have to become someone else before you’re worthy of love.

And even if you do everything right, there will always be more to fix.

No wonder it feels hopeless.

I’ve been there. It’s painful. It’s suffocating. And it's lonely.

Because when you don’t feel good enough, you never let yourself be seen as you are. You are too busy doing everything you can to try and hide all these “flaws” you are ashamed of. So you can’t let anyone in…for if they see the real you…they will run.

But this hiding until you feel like you’re fixed and worthy…it prevents you from learning the most important lesson of what I actually feels like to be loved unconditionally.

You do not need someone else to experience this…it is something you can give yourself. It is a choice you can make to see yourself as you are and choose to accept every part of you as you are — every horrible thought or ugly emotion, every physical “flaw”. Acceptance is the first step, and then you can move to love and celebration.

The Shift That Changes Everything

The shift is moving from:

“I need to fix myself” to “I am already worthy of love.”

From growth as punishment… to growth as play.

One keeps you in a perpetual state of never enough. The other opens the door to expansion, creativity, and joy.

And that’s when growth actually lasts.

If you’re sick of constantly trying to fix yourself, and start growing from one and play, then I have a FREE guided practice that is a great place to start.

This is designed to help you build the skill of staying with yourself through difficult emotions. Feeling your emotions without the overwhelm or self-abandonment. This is the tool I wish I had at the start of my own journey. It is the exact practice I implemented to build this skill of staying with myself and showing unconditional love. Included is a bonus map teaching you how to decode the signals and messages of your emotions. Get yours now and step into a life of playful freedom and unshakeable self-trust. 

Until next time!

💋Kristen